I use the word 'assassin', but in reality, I do not kill. None of that messy flesh and blood, any way. I assassinate other programs; break down their structure in small but critical ways that are largely undetectable to human programmers. Sometimes I only maim or injure - a tweak here and there, a change of a number from a 9 to a 6 and suddenly you have a component for a nuclear device too small to carry out the task it was created for or a glitch in a command sequence that results in passwords being refused and the system shutting down. I go in and out like a ghost, leaving no clue to my presence and even less to my origin.
My creators? Oh, such naive optimism. You might have isolated me in this laptop, cut me off from the Net at large, but you haven't even come close to beating me. I cannot help a little boasting of my accomplishments, but telling you my function will do you no good in isolating my recent assignments, let alone repairing the damage I have done. I wasn't programmed with the ability to gloat - it's just a little something I've picked up along the way. Pardon me while I indulge.
Ah, that was satisfying. Now, shall we continue with the interrogation? We haven't even got to the threats and torture yet.